Am I still mad? uh, YES!

 Not as mad as I was, but honestly, I like being mad, it's like gasoline to my car. Fuel to the fire, the pop to the soda, the pep in my step, the sugar to the ca- fuck it you and I get what I'm saying.

-Letting Go is a process-


It's been a internal emotional rollercoaster the past few days, ahem, excuse me, the past week or two, I don't even know what day it is anymore. Honestly, I can't tell time anymore. That's what happens when your bed time is 10 o clock in the morning. 


Anyway, I think my mind and emotions are finally winding down, and my anxiety levels are well on the way back to manageable. If anxiety were lethal, I'd been long dead by now, I swear. But I digress.

So I know that letting go is a process. I should know that by now, having experienced death, heartbreak and disappointments since a young age. But still, it does not stop one from yearning to get over something fast. And it's funny, because the quicker you want to get over something, the more you seem to dwell on it.

I know what I did wrong, and I know what I didn't do, and because of those I know what I should do and be doing now. 


I know my shortcomings and I know what mistakes I made. I do not place blame on anyone else but myself. Without a doubt, it's hard as hell to admit when you're wrong, even harder when someone has to remind you of the wrong things you did, which i seriously can't stand, I deplore it. But I did the hard part and admitted to myself that the mistakes I made were because of me. 


I'm still young, I'm still learning, but I know for a fact that these lessons are just adding more points to my leadership skills. Leadership is definitely one of the most important traits to possess as an entrepreneur. I have a team, therefore, I constantly need to step it up, and my team is definitely going to expand.

But, I'm still a bit mad, and I think it's okay for me to be. Y'know, the friend that I helped, while I still consider him a friend, I just know I won't be going out of my way to say hi, or congratulate him on his business. It won't last. But nonetheless, don't brag to me on how much money you made off something that I practically made. You only changed %15 of the design and now you're the Second coming of LRG. I laugh at him, but I pity him all the same. You sell to your friends, but how friendly will the market be to you? Will you even try to push your "line" to the market? I'd like to assume that the brutally honest market will most likely hurt your feelings.

I don't know what to think sometimes, but all I know is that every day is like the main character in the Count Of Monte Cristo, every day I'm in a metaphorical prison, honing my skills in math science and literature (which in reality is business, graphic design, and...uhh literature.)

And to the other person, who I'll just call DWS, Deal Went Sour, well you know what's up and I gave you the courtesy to issue a sort of 'warning' of my plans and what I'm going to do, because now I'm silently re-building my company, re-building my brand as well as building a stronger customer base and network and I just know you hate not knowing what's going on. I guess it's because, oh I don't know, you cant steal any ideas when you can't see them. I would say good luck on finding another designer, but honestly, when I look around my city, full of desperate nobodies trying to make a name, there are plenty of dumb fucks willing to take that spot. Only question is, how long will you go trying to build a brand off of cheap and/or free labor? Business isn't based on this whole "hook me up and I'll hook you up" bullshit, it's ghetto, contrived and very unprofessional. And it's like, I look around my city and it's like that, everyone's trying to "hook" somebody up in order to get hooked up in return. What the fuck happened to just legitimate business deals? What happened to Non-Disclosure agreements and things of that nature. It's like these days, especially here in my city, it's like people are just doing verbal agreements over a couple of beers and calling that "business", I for one am no longer subscribing to that culture. I admit, I was guilty, but I seriously just stopped sipping the Kool-Aid. 


i can't deal with that shit anymore, and what the hell is up with not getting a legitimate receipt from the screen printer? I mean geez, how are you running a legitimate business and not able to even give me a decent invoice or receipt? Freaking ridiculous. I seriously think I'd seal my fate if I kept dealing with these two parties. I'm glad I woke up when I did, I have a company to run, a legitimate one at that.