Pride Is All I Have, Because I Ran Out Of Fucks

Without Pride, I Ain't Shit

I was scouring my facebook just a little while ago, actually like 5 minutes ago literally. One of my more "religious" friends (we all love our religious folks, NOT) posting a status about "Pride keeping us from our blessings", all I heard was that classic record scratch you hear in those 1950's cartoons "rivvirr!". I really want to say "motherfucker! pride is all I have! without that, I ain't shit and I won't have shit in life!".

Who's idea was it to say that pride is bad? I mean don't be an arrogant asshole in life, but who the fuck said to not think highly of yourself? Look if I didn't think I was the shit, no one else would either! Point blank period! That's it!  Those who don't agree are more than likely not successful. So I can't tell myself everyday that I am awesome, fabulous, sexy and smart? Who the fuck else is going to tell me that? I can't wait around for someone else to compliment me, if I did, I'd be waiting at least 5 days between compliments.

I no longer have any fucks to give, so pride and confidence I have a ton of. And I ain't runnin' out of that any time soon. When I gave a fuck, shit didn't happen for me, nothing good happened for me. Because I cared too much to make any serious moves. Risky moves, the moves that yield high rewards.

At the same, I am humble as hell, but the humility I keep on the low, I only show it when necessary, when helping my fellow man. I show my humility when I show my desire to make a change in society so that we all as human beings can progress in this cold yet exciting world. But more often than that, I must wear my armor, which is confidence and pride. If people don't like it, I've definitely done something right. So if it ain't broke don't fix it, carry on. i have to go work this shitty 9 to 5 now. Zero Fucks Given.

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Two-In-One Post: Everyone Has A Hustle & Improvements

Everyone Has A Hustle

It's funny and cool how everyone has a hustle now. I mean it's probably been like this before I even started my business, but since I have started one, it has definitely become more apparent how everyone is out chasing success. Fortunately for me, many of those folks with hustles have them pretty stupid hustles. That's not to say my business is all that like a bag of chips, but I can honestly say that my business is definitely legit and has a high chance of becoming extremely valuable.

For example, I had a friend write me on Facebook, congratulating me on my business and how he's noticing how hard I am working. He's making me feel really good and it really meant a lot to me because sometimes it seems as if nobody is noticing how hard I am working at this. So, I reply back saying thanks and all of that good stuff and just generally making small talk.So he replies back to me asking for some sort of advice or "help" with his "business" (and you'll find out shortly why I put "business" in quotations). So I ask him what it is that I can do to help him, because I am always open to help a friend who's serious about starting up a biz. So he writes this LONG ASS essay about some sort of financial business that he's doing and he's helping seniors with their finances and how there's a meeting that night and he wants me to come out to see what the meeting is all about. It screams MLM. And I do not like MLM's. Matter of fact, I almost hate MLM's. And what I hate more in MLM's are the sheep that flock to that shit in droves, expecting to just chill their way to a million bucks by having friends sign up on their bullshit pipeline.

So I ask if it's an MLM (they seem to hate that question ha.ha) and I respectfully decline to go to this "meeting" (see: Seminar). I played it nice as to not let him down too hard. Well he doesn't write back, at all. But before all of that, he was writing back within like 30 seconds. Yeah, you're not getting a piece of my pay that I am working so hard to cook, motherfucker. I ain't mad, because I know after a while, he will realize how much he's losing out on that MLM, and he'll probably kick himself for not starting a real business. No offense to MLM's of course. Just not a fan of them.

Everyone has a hustle, many of them, very dumb, stupid ass hustles. 

Improvements 

Since getting this part time sales job, I have lost a tremendous amount of fat, and have gained back a considerable amount of muscle. I feel confident again and I no longer feel like a fat nobody. Thankfully. Plus, since I no longer indulge in alcohol, my fat loss has been rapid. I'm loving it. I think this boost in confidence again will help me build this business faster than I expect. I look back almost 2 years ago, when I first started. I was drinking a lot, I didn't look very good, and my mind was a foggy mess. I floated through life at the time. I was eating like a pig also, which obviously messes with the sharpness of the mind as well due to the toxins I was taking in. I almost look the part of a business owner now. My good looks will also definitely help with networking as well, because let's be honest, good looks+knowledge+sharpness+charm = easy door open to anywhere. For some reason, people assume fit people have some sort of wealth, so I will play that card hard. 

My confidence is at the highest it's been in years. Not to mention how sharp my mind is now, giving me the ability to fire back at questions with precision. Now I feel like I am going to be successful, before I was just wondering and guessing if I will be or not. This time though, I will not gain this weight back, I said it before 3 times, gained it back all those times, made me very angry, very angry. Now temptation is not around at home, and with alcohol out of the equation, it just gives me a leg up on fitness.

Another improvement would my wallet. It's actually seeing some action again, and with that, I actually feel like I am doing something productive again. That's all for the night. Good night America.

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OFF TOPIC: Being An Accidental Asshole

I don't even know how to start this. So I'll just let my fingers do all of the typing while my brain still tries to gather the thoughts and while my emotions try their best to keep their composure...

This isn't really business related, but this does involve my character, which in a way is very relevant to business, because to be successful in business, one must possess at least half of a good character.

Firstly, My Mom 

I love my mom. ALOT. I mean she raised me, taught me, made me the person I am today. I remember being a kid and she used to almost beat my ass whenever I didn't speak proper English. She always taught me to speak well and to have manners. Class. Because my dad was at a pretty good rank in the military, my family were able to afford a pretty decent lifestyle. Almost upper Middle Class, by 90's standards. I was a spoiled little somethin' but I rarely bitched and whined over things. Okay I bitched and whined over things, not like all of the other spoiled kids I grew up around.

My Mom grew up super pour. Had to drop out of school to pick cotton with the rest of her family, because that's what payed the bills. Because of that, she wasn't able to get a full education, which in fact, affects her to this day. They lived in a sort of cabin home that had little electricity. I've been in that house she grew up back in when I was a kid, and I remember that house feeling just like a black version of little house on the prairie type of place. Old School stuff. So my mom came up in a very tiny country town, a town where the Klan would sell them candy with a smile on their face during the day, and they'd ride their horses and burn crosses in the Black folks' yards at night.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, my mom grew up very poor and has made some strides in life. She's lived in Virginia, Georgia, California and Florida. All back in the 70's. She's done some pretty cool shit in life. Cooler shit than I have done really.

So with that said, I ask myself "Why was a such an asshole at times to my mom?" Granted, there are the arguments and the disagreements, but that's with all families, but still I feel guilty as hell about the times I just blew up on her and said nasty things to her. I can say sorry, but I can never truly bring those things back.

I think back on that day we had a BAD argument about 3 weeks ago, when she overheard me say that I wanted to crush her face in, I almost want to cry. My eyes get hot and watery because I hurt her feelings, so bad. I hurt her feelings so bad that after we walked my dog and argued, she no longer wanted to go the gas station and cash her lottery ticket in. Thinking back now, it shocked me. I didn't know I could hurt her feelings that way. After all she went through, and all she's done for me, I do this. It's unforgivable really. I truly think that when we got back home, and she said "I'm going to go outside and water the grass", I think she cried. And that hurts me so much. It slices through my emotional stability like a knife. I really wanted to kill myself for being such an asshole. I hate myself, even right now, and it fucks with me every time I think about it.  I love my mom, I'd do anything for her, even if I had to sacrifice my life for hers, I would. I wish I wasn't such an asshole to her at times, and I wished that all those we've had arguments, I wished that I could just say nothing and just let her have her own opinion, even if they were wrong. Only thing I can do and just live each day like it never happened, be nice to her, talk to her when she needs someone to talk to, and help her with things that she needs help with. I'm trying my best right now, it feels good, but my mind still dwells on that day I hurt her feelings really bad. She loves me, she loves my girl, and I know she's proud of me with my business, the least I can do is show love back and be a decent son to her. I will never again be an asshole to her. never. 


Secondly, My girl, ALJ 

I don't want to say her name, because this blog is still partially private. I don't mind readers, but I don't want past business partners and clients looking this up and judging me on this...yet. 

Anyway, ALJ. I love her, a ton. Just like my mom, I'd sacrifice my life for her as well, if it meant saving hers. She's my better half. Or my better whole, since sometimes I feel like I'm not even half a decent human being.  

I've been an asshole to her too, a number of times. And that guilt haunts me to this day too. I've done stupid shit to her, and I've said stupid shit to her too, and I regret all of those things. I have to sleep at night with that regret in my mind, every night. I love that girl, and she loves me, but a lot of times I know I can do better to be a better person to her, and for her.  

She struggles a lot, and thinking about how rough she's had her life, makes me tear up and cry sometimes, I admit. I mean she's a great person, but damn it why does she have to live a rough life? It's not fair at all. Her family are great people, but yet they're all struggling and not living the life they deserve. Does bad luck really exist? Is it one of those things where, a great grandfather made a pact with the devil for riches and power, but the pact ended up going sour and the punishment was that every other generation has to suffer misfortune? Who knows.

But I do know, looking at her situation almost makes me question if God actually exists. No Christian or Muslim can justify why a good person has to suffer. It doesn't make any God damned sense. 

Anyway, she wants to do this damn marriage things. And you know what? I do too. I've always wanted to, but I put it off a bit just so I can line my eggs up just right, so we can make off with a great lifestyle of comfort and wealth. And it doesn't take a million dollars to do it, it just takes a steady income stream. My vision is to be married, working a part time job a bit while making a steady income stream from a business. I know it can happen, I've seen it happen with my own eyes. 

*relevant side not* I remember this older guy in a neighborhood right by mine. I believe he was married and had kids. Had a little ass house, but seemed content with it. He HAD A FUCKING LAMBORGHINI IN HIS LITTLE GARAGE. I am quite sure he makes a ton of money, he's just happier in that little ass house. 

I want us to be like that. Steady income stream, being married and just chillin'. The millions of dollars will come later, I am cool with that.  

So yeah, I want to marry her, I really couldn't imagine being with any other girl. Because I am with her and we're pretty much made for each other. I am improving myself and I want her to improve too. And I know she can, she's not stupid and she's not lazy like these other girls out here in society. She's been losing weight almost steadily and I'm proud as fuck of her for that, she doesn't notice it, but I DO. She doesn't have to skinny, skinny is gross to me, I just want her at a healthy weight. We marry healthy, we stay healthy. I don't want to be one of those married couples that get too comfortable with the marriage that they just get fat and look nasty. That's nasty as fuck. 

And I still want the sex to be great while we're married. I don't want to be married and just have regular ass sex just 'cause we're married. I still like oral, giving and receiving, I love me some 69's (that's heaven for me, just thinkin' about it gets me goin') and I still love just spreadin' those thick thighs and goin' down like it's the last meal, though I got lazy on that. Marriage better not destroy that, but hey maybe it won't

Anyway, those two special ladies in my life, I love to death. I've been an asshole to both of them, and I really didn't mean that, I just don't think sometimes, but then again, there was the alcohol thrown in the equation, and since I don't drink anymore, my brain finally feels sharp again, and I definitely have the gift of reasoning back. Thankfully. They were both there with me when I almost killed myself with that poison, so I owe them my life honestly. We're all humans, I know that I ain't perfect in the least, but I know that every day I can be a better person for them, and that I do have control over whether or not I will say or do anything wrong to them. I love them, a lot and the last thing I want to do is hurt them. Their tears are my tears too, and I work my ass off to make sure that all of the bad things we all went through will be a thing of the past, we WILL have a great lifestyle and I will stop at nothing to secure a lifestyle of wealth for ALL of us. 

That's all folks (Porky Pig style hehe).

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Fear, What A Waste Of Energy

Back when I was younger, which honestly was only like 7 years ago, as I am still only 26 now, I use to be scared of everything, I mean I was scared of situations gone wrong, scared of pissin' people off, and scared of confrontation.

I'll tell ya, when your pockets are empty, and you're on a piss-stained hotel sofa bed barfin' your brains out because you've poisoned yourself with alcohol, staring death right in its face, it makes you not give a fuck. I no longer give any fucks. And I guess it shows on my face. I notice the reactions I get now from others when I think shit is about to go down. Instead of run away, I FACE THAT SHIT HEAD ON. I feel like, okay, you want to blow up this spot, WELL LET'S BLOW IT THE FUCK UP, WE'RE ALL GONNA GO DOWN BITCH. 

When I got this part time sales job, selling high end computers and tablets, I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified. I was scared. I was thinking in my head damn I have to deal with people again, I'm going to have to sell, they're going to get annoyed by me. But when I thought about it, when I thought about how I own a business and this job is only a fraction of my life, that this isn't going to be my job forever, I got motivated. Then I remembered almost dying in Orlando, and I was like FUCK THAT, LET'S GET IT!

I am a business owner, I've never heard of a successful businessman who didn't emphasize sales. I never heard of a business self made millionaire businessman who sucked at sales. Success in busines and sales almost go hand in hand. So I'm in my groove, what I learn on the job, I apply it to my business. Simple as that.


Let's crank this shit up to eleven, it's going to be one hell of an explosion. Come at me. 

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Retail Hell? Why Not Heaven?

So I went out and got myself a part time job. In Sales. The type of job I have nightmares about. Sales. Sales jobs always scared me, I used to try my best to avoid sales positions. Especially in the Retail environment.
Ironically, being a business owner in the clothing retail industry, I never was a good seller, and my past failures at sales jobs made me terrified of them. You'd think, someone who owns a business such as mine would be a great seller. A gifted Seller. Nope. I never was a strong seller.

So, what did I do? Get a job in sales! Yup. That's exactly what I did. it's funny, because I am a month in, and I love this job! See, being an entrepreneur who dropped out of college, I had to find some way to learn. Some way of education that had hands on experience at the same time. For free. So getting a job in sales is just that! Free education, hell, they're even paying me to learn this stuff.

I was scared at first, very scared. Rejection always scared me. It always bothered me. I often questioned if I was ever going to be a good seller. Until now, I have to question no longer, because each and every day I'm learning a ton and sharpening my sales skills everyday. I never thought I'd be happy doing a sales gig.

HOW DOES THIS TRANSCEND OVER TO MY BUSINESS?

One of the main concerns, when I first started this part time job was, am I going to have enough time to build my business while working? I was scared shitless that I was going to get lazy due to this job and just forget about my company. I was terrified about that, because then I'd be laying my dreams, goals and aspirations to rest. But really, I think that this job increases the motivation.

Though I'm not working on it too much right now, I think I will be grinding away this next couple months, starting this week. I'm getting closer to my goals, I feel it. Everyday I go in to work this part time job, my energy is always cranked up to 9000 (LOL nerd joke) and I'm always going the extra mile. Why? Because I am a business owner. I AM A FUCKING BUSINESS OWNER. 

Everyday that fuel is burning. I meet new people every day because of this job and I"m going to take advantage of that as I progress each day. Retail can be hell, but I feel like it's HEAVEN. I have fun everyday, and each da my sales skills get better and better, I"m impressing myself!

This Year though, is going to be a great year for me and my business, I FEEL IT!

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