Worst Manager I've Ever Had Part 2
Worst Manager I've Ever Had part 2
So I've decided to do a part 2, to go into further detail into the horrors of MicroManagement™. I put a trademark on it this time because it seems that companies use this sorry method so much that you'd think it was a popular brand. I also want to go into further detail on how this type of method of management can affect the human mind and psyche.
It's been a few months now since I've quit, but every now and then I'll still get flashbacks and nightmares about SB and her micromanaging ways. I remember stepping out to go to the bathroom, I hadn't been feeling good that day, one of my aunts had just died and I sort of sunk into a little bit of depression. Well with that depression comes very bad eating habits, which in turn makes the stomach fight back at you relentlessly. So I spent quite a while in the bathroom. Like around, 10 minutes. 15 tops. So When I return to my desk, not to my surprise, I get an IM. From you-know-who. "Hi", the IM says. "Hello" I write back. "Where were you?". "The restroom". "Well you were gone for about 20 minutes, that's unacceptable". What?! I was gone for about 10 minutes. I should know, I was surfing the web on my phone in the restroom. I monitor my time closely. I write back that I was not in there for 20 but more like 10 minutes, my IM status should indicate just how long. Of course she finds something else to get at me about.
Even working 12 to 14 hours a day, working Saturdays and Sundays, I was still treated as if I was always doing something wrong. Only because I wasn't the "star player". Every day, another IM, another "come see me" e-mail, another visit to MY desk to grill me on the 40 accounts that need to be worked on and completed (which by the way was impossible). Each and every day, it was borderline abuse.
The psychological effects are things that most companies tend to either ignore, or just don't know. I was hiding this secret from EVERYONE until about a week ago. It's a confession that I'm not so proud of, but I was so lost that I thought it was the only thing I could do to escape. I had finally came out to confess to my mom and my sister that was I planning my suicide, because of the stress of being micromanaged and being hit with insane expectations. I was making good money. Very good money, especially compared to my past jobs in my career. I was popping sedatives everyday, but even those weren't enough. I had more than enough to buy a gun. I could have bought any gun I wanted.
It's weird when you're planning your own suicide. It's not like the movies, where you're crying everyday or you look like a sad sack of Sugar Honey Iced tea. I looked good, I would joke and laugh with my girlfriend, co-workers. I would go out to drinks after work. Nothing was all depressing. I just had a goal. To kill myself. I would shop around for guns in my free time. I had already figured out where I was going to do it. In my car. Possibly in my car in the parking garage at my job. The song Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra would constantly play in my head as I thought about my suicide. I would feel a sense of relief daydreaming about that BANG!. That BANG! was my final escape. That BANG! was going to be my savior.
I suppose now that I am meant to be on this earth a bit longer because something odd happened that pretty much saved my life. Actually a couple things happened. The first thing that happened was my coworker that I became buddies with almost died. He was in the hospital for a good 4 weeks. My whole team had to take over all of his accounts. He had the big dog accounts too. Which meant the whole team's production went down even further. This shone the spotlight on SB the MicroManager™. One of his accounts I took over, I'll never forget her. She was angry as all hell. She cursed, she said some awful things about me and my company. I had to spend all day working her file alone to keep her from escalating. She did anyway. I won her over, she liked me by the end of the day, but after not getting any return calls from SB and HER boss. She went to my boss's boss. This got SB fired. Whew, what a relief. Funny thing is, she got fired the day I called in sick. I was so close to ending my own existence you don't even know.
When she got fired, I got moved to another team. This team was managed by a person that I will forever be grateful for. Because of SB, I had accrued a bunch of write-ups. Fuck. Because of all the write-ups, I was close to being fired, which I did not know. So this new manager called me to his office to talk. He didn't want me to tell anyone, because this sort of a secret of all the leadership, but I was on the way to being fired. I was lost and confused. Even though I went through all of the bullshit, I still loved my job. I worked hard to get there. I made good money, I was eating calamari everyday, I was in VIP at the clubs and bars. I was the man! really I wasn't the man, and I was using money to escape the stress.
Those few days were so confusing. I wanted to kill myself, but at the same time, before I was going to kill myself, I still wanted to make that money to sustain myself. I mean while I'm alive, I've got bills. That's a weird thing too, I was contemplating killing myself but I was still worried about debts. That's funny looking back. I was a total wage slave. I didn't know what to do, I did NOT want to get fired. It was not my fault, why do I deserve to get fired? Why do I deserve to get this job TAKEN from me?! I talked with my mom on the phone repeatedly, confused. What should I do? Should I quit? Should I just let myself get fired and risk not being able to find another job in this field should I decide to not kill myself? I looked at my savings. Hmmmm, that's enough to not have to work for the rest of the year. A blessing in disguise, I wouldn't need to kill myself, I can just quit and relax for a bit. I'm going give myself a vacation. That's what I did. I put my two weeks notice in and thanked all of the leaders for the opportunity. Good thing about it was I got about 3 more pay checks after that, so my savings was FAT. I can my live how I want for the next 6 to 8 months.
I quit and never looked back. Now, here I am, chilling and relaxing, and starting my second business. Had those events not happened, there's a good chance I wouldn't be here. Suicide is real, and it's not this far fetched thing. It's real and the mindset that leads to suicide can happen to anyone. Micro management is borderline harassment. Matter of fact, it IS harassment. I firmly believe companies should be penalized for promoting or allowing micromanagement. It can affect employees in a very negative way. I almost killed myself. I felt that was the only way of escape. I couldn't just go to the higher ups. Believe it or not, managers look after other managers, it's no other way to cut it. It's the truth. It's wrong, but it's a part of life. If you're going to take on one, you'd better prepare to take them all on.
I said it before and I'll say it again, SB should never, ever be allowed to work in a position of leadership again. People like her should never be given that sort of power and responsibility. fuck her.
